The Big Fat Positive

A year ago today, my life changed forever. Our life changed forever.

My husband and I tried to conceive for three years. The details of that journey may appear in another post sometime. Suffice it to say, it was an emotional three years, especially for me.

My cycle had been irregular for several years, contributing to our conception difficulties. At the end of 2009, I really started to think I couldn’t get pregnant without some sort of medical intervention. In fact, I was shopping around for a new OBGYN.

I received a recommendation for a high risk doctor. The woman who referred me liked this doctor and this woman was struggling with her own conception difficulties… something we discussed with each other… a point of connection we each could relate to…

That doctor’s office number sat in my purse for at least a month. I kept meaning to call, but I constantly put it off. Was it fear? Embarrassment? Laziness? I don’t know, to be honest.

At the end of January 2010, I went out to buy more pregnancy tests. My last period was at the beginning of December. I didn’t think much about it. It had become fairly routine to test after skipping for a couple months.

They were always negative.

A few months between cycles would have been fine if that was the pattern. Sometimes it’d come 30 days apart, sometimes 60 or 90. I even went a stretch of 4 months. And sometimes the doctor would prescribe something forcing it to start gain.

After buying the tests, I used one. Negative.

I stuck the other one in a bathroom drawer. I dreaded more negatives.

A few weeks or so went by, February had started but nothing else did. I tried the other test.

Error.

Odd, I’d never had an error before and now I was out of tests again!

I told Brian I should pick up some more, but I wasn’t feeling well. A lot of stressful events were going on at work (sudden layoffs, bickering, extra workload). I was so tired and stressed out. I struggled to stay awake when I came home.

And then there was the throwing up. It wasn’t pretty. I was convinced I was overstressed and sick. (I’ve had issues with stress induced vomiting in the past.)  I even took a couple sick days.

But then I noticed something very unusual.

My breasts hurt. They were very tender. Was it my cycle or…?

We bought another twin pack of tests.

I was a little nervous. This was different than the other times… it had to be, right?

I peed.

I waited.

I read the test.

Pregnant

I stared at it in disbelief. (I quit buying the lines – this digitally said “pregnant” or “not pregnant”)

I was…finally…the first positive ever…could it be?

I ran out of the bathroom – test in hand – and down the hall to our computer room, where Brian was. I showed the test to him, blubbering semi-coherently as we hugged and I cried.

March 7, 2010 – Positive pregnancy test

The start of something wonderful… Miss Aerissa. And it was time to finally make an appointment with that new doctor!