Some days I think I’m an awesome mom. I take care of my little girl – she’s clothed, fed, clean (usually), and has frequent diaper changes. I breastfeed. I cloth diaper.
While I may do those things, it doesn’t mean I’m perfect. I’m not even close to perfect.
My house.. is a mess. My husband still makes a lot of our dinners and still does extra chores that he picked up shortly before I gave birth. I love him for it, but y’know, it makes me question myself.
My daughter is rather needy. This is true, so I spend a lot of time and energy trying to keep her happy or calming her down because she’s unhappy. She’s just about 8 months old and is still pretty clingy. Sure, I love the cuddles and all but she has a knack for being the most clingy when I absolutely cannot be holding her.
Like when I’m trying to make our lunch.
I hate to admit it, but some days I think I’m going to lose my cool.
Correction, I do lose my cool – just in a modified fashion.
I will not harm her. I couldn’t do that, even if my primal reaction is that of aggression. But, I have thrown inanimate objects across the room and have yelled out in anger and frustration.
This isn’t my first reaction when she’s crying, whining, and/or tugging on me. But, when she’s having a day (like this morning) where it is non-stop… well, my patience begins to wear thin. My soothing voice and words get an edge to them. It boils up.
I try to tend to it before boiling over, but when.it.just.won’t.stop. I feel like I’m losing my damn mind.
She’s not at an age where I can really reason with her. I try to explain that I cannot hold her while making lunch, but she doesn’t really understand the concept. She just wants to be held. (Most days she’s content to play in her chair or on the kitchen floor as I prepare lunch but some days… well, she cries until she’s hyperventilating.)
Do I think I’m a bad mom? No.
Well, sometimes I think I am, but I know deep down I’m not. I’m just not winning any awards.
Darcy is the founder of “Life With Darcy and Brian,” where she combines her love for education, board games, and crafting to create engaging learning experiences for kids. Her creative projects and writing have been featured in outlets like The Toy Insider, CafeMom, Mom.com, Parents.com, Country Living, and The Pioneer Woman.
JulieK
Monday 4th of July 2011
I have the same problem - my son was always wanting to be picked up. NEVER liked me to be doing something else. Have you tried using a baby carrier like an Ergo and carrying her on your back while you get stuff done? I didn't HAVE an Ergo at the time, but if I would have tried this. At 16 months, my hubby STILL is doing more than his "fair share" of the housework, and yes, I feel bad about it... I have more bad wife moments than bad mom moments. But trust me. I have both from time to time! :) Hang in there - it gets better. Once she is walking she will not be nearly as clingy I bet! ;0)
Maria
Monday 4th of July 2011
I feel for you! I have two higher needs kids and a husband who doesn't help. I have high standards about the cleanliness of my house and I can't seem to chill out about it! We looked into getting help but it was too expensive. Someday we will get a babysitter and go on a date, I think that would help a lot! The last time we went out was a frend's wedding more than 3 years ago!
Not a Perfect Mom
Sunday 3rd of July 2011
my third one was exactly like that, and she was my first girl. In order to do anything that required the use of my hands I had to sling her...luckily right around 10 months when she started crawling she became more independent...hang in there!
Darcy
Sunday 3rd of July 2011
She's still learning how to crawl. I wouldn't be surprised if she gets more independent once she's more mobile!
Laura O in AK
Sunday 3rd of July 2011
You are so not alone! I remember wanting to bounce my extra fussy baby across the room after hours of frustration trying to get him to nurse (when he was struggling.) Lack of sleep often does it for me.
Jamie McMillan
Thursday 30th of June 2011
I've been known to say "oh for the love of god...will you just let me...make your lunch...clean your mess up...etc" on an almost daily basis. As if that will work :) And at least once a week I take my yelling 10 month old down to my neighbors so I can get his breakfast and my coffee ready in peace :)